Why Being Kind Benefits You and Others: My 20-Day Challenge of Spreading Kindness and Positivity

Posted on by lifebalanceproject

by Sandra Sperber

“In a world where you can be anything, be kind” (unknown)

Thank you for being here!

I recently completed a fundraiser challenge of spreading kindness and positivity for 20 days, and noticed so many benefits for myself and others. Being kind can change how you see the world and relate to others, and that often takes courage. For example, speaking up when someone gets bullied, wearing a mask during the pandemic or letting someone merge into your lane when you are in a hurry. Often we are just too busy and not present enough to notice when someone needs our help.

Here’s the thing: as humans we are wired to be empathetic and kind, to connect with other humans. But did you ever go to a job interview and mentioned ‘being kind’ as one of your strengths? I didn’t. Instead, I said that I’m a driven, reliable, open-minded person etc. etc. While I am all those things too, being a sensitive and kind person was something I chose to hide as well as I could.

There seemed to be only downsides, and even as a kid I wasn’t encouraged to be kind. Sensitivity and kindness were often labelled as a weakness and I was warned that people would take advantage of me. As a result, I struggled to open up and be seen, and constantly mistrusted people while trying to please everyone. It took time to eventually change my attitude about being kind. Kindness is not a transactional thing and it’s not about pleasing anyone or getting anything in return.

So this month, when the opportunity came along to do a 20-day challenge fundraiser with a friend, I didn’t think twice about the motto we would chose:

We committed to 20 days of spreading kindness and positivity.

At the beginning, we barely came up with 3 things we could do but once we got started, we had more and more ideas of what we could do. Here are some examples:

– Beach clean ups
– Giving away free books
– Donating business outfits for “Dress for Success“
– Knitting for a charity “Wrap with Love“
– Cooking and baking for others,
– Buying coffees for strangers,
– Supporting freelance musicians,
– Teaching free meditation classes (read more about meditation in my previous blog post and book in a free session here)

We received so many message from people that looked forward to our posts about our acts of kindness. It made not only us and the people who received our acts of kindness happier, but also the people who saw the photos on social media.

Why being kind benefits you and others:

1. Being kind releases ‘feel good‘ chemicals:
Neurochemicals like oxytocin, serotonin and endorphins are released in the person that is acting kindly and in the person that is receiving the act of kindness. This cultivates positive emotions such as happiness, contentment, peacefulness, and compassion. It relieves stress and activates the
parasympathetic nervous system which is great for our mental and overall health.

“Positive emotions are the building blocks of resilience, physical health, everyday effectiveness, and fulfilling relationships. We need moments of positivity. Because those moments nourish growth, and they nourish learning.”

Barbara Fredrickson

2. Creating social connection:
Acts of kindness create connections. Humans have a fundamental need for connection. Based on our evolution as humans, being part of a community for farming, hunting and protection was critical for our survival.

3. Kindness is contagious:
As humans we respond to other people’s emotions as empathy. Empathy is the ability to sense other people’s emotions, and to imagine what someone else is experiencing. There are several theories why we pick up on other people’s feelings: Some scientists say that so-called mirror neurons in the brain are responsible for this connection. This is just one explanation that was derived from tests with primates but has not been scientifically proven in humans.

4. A Sense of purpose:
In our modern lives finding something that we have control over and that is giving us a sense of purpose can often be difficult. Simple acts of kindness can give us a sense of contribution to something bigger outside of ourselves. During our challenge we tried to add acts of kindness towards people with different backgrounds but also towards ourselves and the environment.

5. The bigger picture
For most of our lives we have been taught to follow our dreams and goals and our actions have mainly become a reflection for self-realisation and self-fulfilment. I found that the recent debate about wearing masks during the pandemic was a perfect example of this. The masks are mainly protecting other people. It was sad to see that so many people place their own interest in the centre of their actions and empathy is often not extended beyond a small family or peer group. During a pandemic it takes more than kindness to protect the community. Deeply caring for everyone requires compassion which is an unconditional caring that goes beyond the people that are close to us. Compassion is at the centre of Buddhist teaching and is about witnessing and holding space for others who are suffering.

“All joy in the world comes from wanting others to be happy, and all suffering in this world comes from wanting only oneself to be happy.” Shantideva


At the end of our 20 days, we raised over $2,000 for children in developing countries and we felt very proud. We had so much fun coming up with ideas and we’ll continue to add more acts of kindness to our lives beyond the fundraiser.


Thanks for taking the time to read my blog. Please share with anyone who needs a dose of kindness, subscribe to my newsletter and connect with me on social media. I’d love to hear from you how kindness and compassion affected your life in some way.

Lots of love,
Sandra

10 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Started to Practice Meditation

Posted on by lifebalanceproject

by Sandra Sperber

In 2014, I attended a silent retreat surrounded by nature in a national park. I had a wonderful time and felt peaceful, happy and relaxed afterwards but this is not at all how my experience with meditation began 25 years ago. Back then, I signed up for a meditation course and all I remember is that my back was hurting from sitting cross-legged on the floor. 

After my first course, I kept up my meditation practice for a long time, the back pain improved but somehow life got in the way and I stopped. The problem was that there were too many rules on when to meditate, how to sit, where to sit and what stopped me was that I focussed on the obstacles: being too busy, not having the perfect space, etc. After many more meditation courses and teacher trainings, my passion as a teacher is to make meditation accessible and enjoyable.

Since my first meditation course from way back, I learned from many different teachers and schools of meditation. Here is what I wish I knew before I started:

1. Meditation and mindfulness are not self-help tools

It’s not about becoming a different person or better person. There is so much in the media at the moment on how mindfulness can help to manage stress and improve sleep. Putting meditation and mindfulness on your to do list as another “thing” to do can often add to the stress and frustration. There are many other ways to approach your path to well-being. In my meditation courses I introduce participants to different tools and techniques including relaxation and breathing techniques as well as sound.

“Meditation is the only intentional, systematic human activity which at bottom is about not trying to improve yourself or get anywhere else, but simply realize where you already are.” Jon Kabat-Zinn

2. Mindfulness and meditation are not the same 

Mindfulness and meditation are often used in the same context. They are related but not the same. A mindfulness practice focuses on bringing the attention to the present moment, using the senses to notice certain details like sounds, smells, taste, etc. We can become present in any moment during the day and interrupt when we are not fully paying attention to whatever we are doing or our surroundings. When we practice meditation, we are setting aside a dedicated time for stillness. We are using the skills of mindfulness to bring the attention to a single focus and connect with a deeper part of ourselves. 

“Mindfulness involves the skillful use of attention to both your inner and outer worlds”  Rick Hanson

3. You can sit in a comfortable position

Relaxation is an important part of meditation. When the body becomes still and relaxed, the mind can relax. Sitting in pain is will keep your attention on the pain. You can sit on a chair, a cushion, lean against the wall or meditate lying down if this is the most comfortable position for you.

4.  You don’t have to meditate with your eyes closed

There are meditation techniques where you don’t have to close your eyes (for example softly gazing at a candle for object in front of you). Personally, I like to close my eyes during meditation because it helps me to draw my attention inward.

5. Thoughts are not the enemy of meditation

You don’t have to empty your mind. We are not trying to turn off our thoughts and emotions. However, thinking is what our minds are supposed to do and meditation gives us an opportunity to pause and become aware of our thoughts and emotions without judgement.

6. Be kind to yourself

Listen to your body. Whatever practice you are doing, be kind to yourself and start your practice with small steps. When I worked in corporate and came home in the evening, I jumped straight to my to do list of household chores, paperwork and preparing dinner. Simply taking the time to sit down for 10 minutes with a cup of tea every day became a practice that I was able to commit to.

7. Meditation is not only for the early risers

Many clients tell me that they have difficulties to meditate in the morning. It is very common that we go straight to action mode in the mornings and there is simply not enough time or mental space to meditate. Try to practice at different times during the day and see what happens and what works best for you.  

I often adapt my meditation practice as I’m not early bird but I’m not a night owl either. I’m somewhere in between and therefore work around my personal body clock.  

(If you are unsure about your “chronotype” you can take a test here.)

8. Meditation really works

Research suggests that meditation can induce an overall sense of well-being. A consistent practice will change the neural pathways in the brain and can improve concentration, create equanimity, a more positive outlook on life and compassion towards ourselves and others. The positive effects show not just during or immediately after we meditate, but in all areas of our daily lives.  

9. Meditation is a part of yoga

Meditation is part of yoga, an ancient and system which means to “unite” and to balance the body and the mind.  In the Western world, we tend to separate the physical part of yoga from the mental and spiritual practice. In my courses, I refer to the different parts of Yoga (Patanjali’s eight-fold path of yoga) and how meditation fits into the bigger picture.

10. Keep it simple

Some days it’s enough to take 3 deep conscious breaths. 

So my advice is to approach mindfulness and meditation with an open and curious mind and to try different techniques. Make meditation a daily habit. The right practice for you is the one you do. It’s better to start somewhere than not at all.